Let Us Sell!
by Bleeping Bloop
Summary: Hello, Pain here and do I have a deal for you! Come on down to Red Cloud Motors and roll out in a brand new car for the lowest prices around. Or get a "bomb" paint job on an old ride. This weekend only! Everything must go! Quality service a guarantee!


Pain strolled into the Akatsuki meeting room (of doom) a tad late and to his displeasure, everyone was wide awake and already yelling. This was the reason why he denied the Akatsuki from living together, even if it was just for one night. Two serial killers are alright, but when a third one enters, all hell breaks loose. To make it even worse, it was the 24th of September weekend or the founding Kage's weekend. Pain forbade any and all forms of killing, which really put everyone on edge. All the nations were on a temporary truce for this weekend and if anyone so much as laid a finger on a genin, all the most powerful nations would be after the Akatsuki. As fun as it would be to have his entire organization wiped out overnight, Pain felt it would somehow hinder his goals.

"Silence," Pain coughed, settling down in the head chair. "I've decided to not let us mope around all weekend, doing nothing."

"It's about time," Deidara smiled, rising from his seat. "If you need me, I'll be blowing up a small village. Anyone who sucks, like Itachi, can stay here. Cool ninjas only, un."

"Yay," Tobi clapped.

"Hell yeah," Hidan yelled, jumping out of his seat.

"Sit you three," Pain sighed. "I have other plans for this weekend."

"What," Konan asked.

"As everyone knows, we need money."

"Ahem," Kakuzu praised.

"I researched the fastest way to make money this weekend, and that is by selling cars. We buy them used, fix them up then sell them for triple the value! It's perfect!"

"Who the fuck drives," Hidan spat.

"I agree with Hidan," Kakuzu stated.

"Kakuzu agrees with me? It's the apocalypse! Jashin, take me now," Hidan jumped onto the table (of despair) and ripped his robe and shirt off. He held his arms out wide and looked up at the ceiling with hopeful eyes.

"This is why we should stop buying him shirts, such a waste."

"You look stupid," Sasori stated.

"Hn," Itachi may have possibly agreed. Who knows?

"Hidan, get down we are selling cars, it's better than sitting around here doing nothing. Plus, I already made a commercial," Pain smiled. He held out his hand and a television came flying into the room. He pulled out a tape from his cloak and stuck it into the VHS player.

"Hidan get down I can't see, un," Deidara yelled.

"Not until Jashin saves me from you losers," Hidan retaliated.

"I got this," Kisame stated, bringing his sword across Hidan's neck. Kisame pushed Hidan's bloody body off the table and left his head in the center, next to the assorted fruits (of pure evil). "Now everyone is happy."

"Fuck you! How would you like it if I cut your head off?"

"As if that would ever happen, I think I am more skilled than to leave my neck open."

"Not if I went after you!"

"Not even two of you could get my neck."

"So what did everyone think," Pain asked.

"Uhhh," the Akatsuki stumbled, unaware Pain started the commercial.

"Hn," Itachi answered.

"Really Itachi, you liked it that much," Pain cooed, eyes becoming wide.

"Hn."

"Thanks Itachi," Pain winked. Most people shuttered at this, save for Itachi. He has enough messed-up emotional traumas anyway. "Everyone better prepare for the jobs I assigned you."

"What jobs," Tobi asked, tilting his head to the side.

"The ones I mentioned in the video. I'll be making the car lot, if you need me. Toodle lou my little killers," Pain waved, removing himself from the room.

"He seriously did not do that," Zetsu asked. "**Why yes. Yes he did**."

"Did you pay attention," Deidara asked Sasori who shook his head 'no'. "Uchiha," Deidara said with pure anger. "What did he say, un."

"Hn."

"Bastard. A simple yes or no will suffice," Zetsu asked.

"Yes."

"Now that we cleared that obstacle, what were we assigned," Kisame asked.

"You, Tobi and I are to provide entertainment. Sasori and Deidara are fixing the cars. Konan is advised to sun bathe topless or whatever she wants to do to relax. I move for sunbathing topless." The other members nodded their heads in agreement and Hidan rolled his around on the table a bit. "And as Leader put it, the three most sociable members, Hidan, Zetsu and Kakuzu are going to be making the actual sales."

"Fuck that," Hidan's severed head yelled. "The apocalypse is coming and I am not wasting my last moments with Kakuzu."

"If Hidan says it, then it must be true," Kakuzu sighed, with a huge eye roll, everyone could not only see, but feel deep in their bones.

"Ah! Jashin, hurry up! He keeps on agreeing with me!" Well, maybe not everyone.

"Have fun dealing with him," Sasori stated, getting up from his chair. "The brat and I are going to figure out what a car is and – Deidara! Put the clay away, I highly doubt we'll need it to fix a car!"

"Shows how much you know, un," Deidara pouted and followed Sasori out.

"I guess we'd better do something," Kisame shrugged. "What kind of entertainment should we get?"

"I know," Tobi cheered. "Everyone loves boy bands!"

"How about we offer a seminar on how to kill families," Itachi suggested.

"I guess I'm doing this myself," Kisame sighed, walking from the room. The other two followed behind, trying to think of fun things.

The 'three most sociable members' and Konan sat in a dead silence and stared at each other.

"I guess you better work on that topless sunbathing," Kakuzu said as off-handily as he could. "Leader's orders, you know."

A small smile etched on Konan's lips as she gently rose from her chair. "It's been awhile since I got to relax." She did a cute stretch and slowly removed her Akatsuki cloak. She walked from the room and turned around to wink at the three men.

"She's not serious," Zetsu asked. "**Only one way to find out.**"

"We better make sure she can unhook her bra properly," Kakuzu smiled.

"If I wear one," Konan called.

"Bye Hidan," Kakuzu stated, running from the room and towards the boobies.

"See you tomorrow and make sure you bring you're a-game," Zetsu advised, closing the door on him.

"Fucking bastard," Hidan yelled. "Don't leave me alone!"

"**Sorry**," Zetsu apologized, reaching a black hand into the room. "**Have to save the environment**." He flicked out the lights and slammed the door shut.


End file.
